I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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