Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
