Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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