Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
