I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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