Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
