i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
