Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
