I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
