I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
