Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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