It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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