Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
