i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
