Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
