The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
