Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
