Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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