He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize