You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
