i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
