I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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