I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
