Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
