oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize