Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
