I puked a lego.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
