That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
