lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
