There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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