fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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