i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
