So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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