The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
