I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
