How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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