Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
