My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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