Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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