I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
