She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
