How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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