why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize