i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
