You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
