would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
