if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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