Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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