You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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