It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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