...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
