thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
