Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
In other news, I just burned my penis
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
