I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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