Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
