I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
