In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
