I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
How does it feel to date your dad?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
