Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think I am morally bankrupt
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
