you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
