I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
