Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
