Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
