My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I supernannyed him into submission
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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