i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
