So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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