there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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