explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
