There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
