A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
