I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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