while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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