Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
