god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
