Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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