I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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