yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize