And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
