i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
